Why is it every time I give my all, and push my boundaries beyond what they were in an attempt to better myself, the prize goes to someone else? Why did I refuse to adhere to knowledge of this effect before trying to build a new relationship, hoping it would somehow come out differently? It sure didn't. I was right again. Call me negative if you want, but to me it is a recurring reality. Love is fucked. Marriage is fucked. Until people learn the difference and make the wiser choice, I will have no part of the charade that people call marriage. And since marriage seems to only be for those who inspire infatuation anyway, it seems it will also have nothing to do with me.
As he lied on his bed during his final breaths of life, my Dad expressed to my Mom the importance of the vow he took for her, "Until death do us part." They honored that, both Mom and Dad, for better or worse, as they had promised. Such promises seem to not matter to anyone anymore in this day and age. I'm sorry, Dad. I had so hoped to let you see a departing image of all THREE of your children happily involved in that promise, but somehow it continues to elude me.
Where it all went wrong I have yet to figure out. I'm so sorry Dad. Please rest in peace anyway knowing you tried. And also please know that I tried but yet again it yielded the same predictable results. I put myself through hard spots no one else would have even considered, all pinned to the hopes that this time i would get what I was working for. I suppose I should have remembered that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Am I bitter? Probably, but what good is sweetness anyway? That just makes you try to pretend that you're O.K. with the relationship you worked so hard to try and build being rewarded to someone else who just happened to be prettier. Fuck love. Fuck sweetness. Fuck the whole world.
As much as I wish I could believe it won't always be this way, reality repeatedly proves otherwise to me. But hey, kudos to those who tricked me into "giving it one more shot." You really had me going there! Now enjoy your laugh while I continue to shed my tears at the expense of your amusement.NEVER AGAIN